A Plea for Insanity

Has everybody calmed down from the whole Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner brou-haha?

Transgenderism is so 1970s, people. If you had watched as much television as I did when I was a kid you would have been prepared for this business with that very special episode of Medical Center, when Robert Reed (aka Mr. Brady) became, well …

See? Was that so difficult, with Chad Everett to walk you through it?

I want to talk about something much more to the moment: transablism.

What better symbol of the 21st century quest for empowerment through victimization than intentionally disabling yourself? You know the old expression: in the world of the blind, the one-eyed man is king? Well, One Hand Jason is king! All hail!

People like Jason have been classified as ‘‘transabled’’ — feeling like imposters in their bodies, their arms and legs in full working order.

“We define transability as the desire or the need for a person identified as able-bodied by other people to transform his or her body to obtain a physical impairment,” says Alexandre Baril, a Quebec born academic who will present on “transability” at this week’s Congress of the Social Sciences and Humanities at the University of Ottawa.

“The person could want to become deaf, blind, amputee, paraplegic. It’s a really, really strong desire.”

Researchers in Canada are trying to better understand how transabled people think and feel.

See? How they think and feel. What they are is predicated upon what they think and feel they are. That is their reality. And if that is their reality, it must become our reality, otherwise you are marginalizing the One Hand Jasons of the world, and the next thing you know you’re chopping off Jason’s one good hand, a mob of torch-wielding troglodytes cheering you on.

And what a cool name! Who runs around with “Two Hands Jason” inked on his fanny pack? You may as well be called “Moderately Fit Bob.”

What makes this phenomenon particularly fascinating is that, unlike other groups, the transabled want their condition recognized in the DSM: “Many transabled people want to see it fully added to the psychiatric bible because it might legitimize their experience in the field of medicine.”

Legitimacy, the purple hand stamp of life’s dance.

Think about it: why should those born with disabilities get all the attention? Why should those who suffer lifelong infirmities due to accidents or malice be alone worthy of our concern? Why shouldn’t some folks take their limbs in their own hands, so to speak? Where’s the good ole can-do American spirit that defies accidents of birth?

And it’s not like he shouldn’t be allowed to do what he wants with his body, correct?

But that’s insane, you may be mumbling into your soup.

Who’s to say that sanity is the norm? Or should be? 2 + 2 = 4? That’s math, and math is old-think. And the old is past. And in the past there was slavery and the Thirty Years War and no air conditioning. Is that what you want to return to? African slaves fanning you as crazy Germans run roughshod over the joint while you do long division in your head? The past is past for a reason.

It’s time to stop privileging sanity.

Don’t you see that this is what the progressive movement is all about? Progressives are the harbingers of crazy (for which they do not get enough credit, by the way). When everything can be everything else, then nothing is anything. Get it? So your “stolen” money is now my “earned” money. And your “achievements” are now my achievements. And my disability is now an extraordinary ability. And my powerlessness is the ultimate source of power! It’s not only the future — it’s downright Christian! (You know, if you leave God out of it.)

Speaking of leaving God out of it, Friedrich Nietzsche, the true Prophet, saw this long ago, with his construal of ressentiment. Don’t you see? We’re witnessing the final revolt of the slave class against the nobles! The revolution is here, and it is being televised! It’s the suppression of the blonde beast! It’s the death of the priestly class! Weakness rules! The pathetic reign!

And didn’t Nietzsche himself go mad? See? He saw the future and it was nuts! I can’t believe some of you right-wing “sanity hawks” are still whining about gay marriage and polyamory and polygamy. What century is this? Here’s a woman who fell in love with the Berlin Wall — and married it.

What’s wrong with that? Absolutely nothing. Should some poor soul go through life all alone when she could be cuddling up to a nice mullion or infill on a cold winter’s night?

As for the Bible thumpers in my audience, try opening one some day. Jesus never said a word against marrying a wall. Not. One. Word.

“But it’s a wall, you can’t marry a wall! It’s like … a thing!” So, a dirty little reiphobe, eh? And as for can’t  — surely you mean mayn’t?

You haters just wear me out. I’m going to go throw myself down a flight of stairs. I feel a pity party coming on…